The chosen one

I have been having many negative thoughts lately, as I am slowly losing my mind each day just a little bit. I put my family, friends, and sometimes strangers before me and I try my best to help everyone out when I get the chance to. I even give my last 5 bucks to the pan handler on the corner of north road and lougheed everytime I am there just for washing my windows, even though they really make it worse most of the time. I really give it my all to make everyone around me satisfied and never ask for anything in return. I even lend out money to friends who need it for rent, even though they are dumbfucks who gamble it all away. I consider myself a generous person, I usually take people out for dinners and drinks. I also take care of cab fares, because I have some cheap fucking friends who wait till the last fucking minute to get their wallets out because they know if they wait just that extra fucking second, Joon will take care of it and they will save themselves a couple extra dollars.

I believe I have been a faithful christian for the most part of my life up until the last couple of years. I have slowly been losing it, and my faith is only declining by the minute. I do believe that you exist. I know you exist. I believe that, as hard as you listen and answer prayers for others, you reject mine and try to ruin me. I believe that you sent me down here as a dummy, that when you needed a good fucking laugh you'd just twist my fate and ruin me for your own enjoyment. All the negative events that have happened to me can't just be a coincidence, nor a test of some sort. I am glad I can be your entertainment all these years as you continue to ruin me, and let me fail in everything I try to do. Go ahead, throw my back out again right before my pro qualifying golf tournament, it was only my life. Put that 8 on the river to bust me when I'm 3rd with 10 people left in the sunday million. I'm sure the laughter and watching me in pain of knowing I'll never make it was worth it. I wish I was never introduced to you. I wish I was never tricked into believing you were a saviour, when all you ever did for me was the exact opposite. I hope you have had a great time fucking me over since day fucking one, but I know I don't have much time left and I can't wait to leave this joke world you created. Thanks for making me your chosen one, I hope u have had a great time creating misfortunes and heartaches.

a little something off my chest

As bad as this sounds, if I could have one wish, it would be for my closest and dearest friends who actually care about me, to see some of the sick shit that I have to deal with every fucking day. I must have killed someone in my past life. This is the only explanation that I can think of.. of why I was born such an unlucky fuck, and if I wasn't born this person, I wouldn't be here grinding it out in this hopeless place. I think I'm a good person. I try my best to help out friends and strangers, even when I know they don't deserve it. Fifteen minutes in the corner of Dunsmuir and Seymour alone has cost me close to 20$, and not once did I do this random act of kindness to get something in return. I never do. A lot of my friends are cheap disloyal fucks who don't deserve to be helped out but I do my best to help them out anyways even though I know if I was in their shoes they'd turn their backs so fast it would make their heads spin. I've poured my heart and soul into some friends, and all I ever wanted to see was them happy, show them the good side of life, show them what it feels like to live a little and take them on experiences they would never have anybody else do for them.. and I did this for them because it was a fucking wednesday. All just to see them happy.. and the minute I need a little bit of time to myself all I would get is a big fuck you. This girl I like and trust most thinks I'm a liar, and that I'm into illegal work. I got the coldest stare from a friend last time we had dinner at a korean restaurant because I ate the last piece of kal bi when this person had the 3rd and 2nd last piece seconds before I did what I did. I'm sorry I'm such a selfish person but you must have forgotten that more than 9 out of 10 times we hang out and go out, dinner and drinks are usually on me.. even when we were in highschool and I was a broke joke. No you don't know how to drive standard. I'd like to apologize for my selfish acts and I promise to never eat the last piece of kal bi again.. or the last piece of gyoza. Apparently I'm an awkward person. Lol, am I really that awkward to chill with? You stupid fuck. Fuck you your nothing. Pachos are good. Cards are finally getting better. Work has never been so great.. What a beautiful world we live in.