a little something off my chest

As bad as this sounds, if I could have one wish, it would be for my closest and dearest friends who actually care about me, to see some of the sick shit that I have to deal with every fucking day. I must have killed someone in my past life. This is the only explanation that I can think of.. of why I was born such an unlucky fuck, and if I wasn't born this person, I wouldn't be here grinding it out in this hopeless place. I think I'm a good person. I try my best to help out friends and strangers, even when I know they don't deserve it. Fifteen minutes in the corner of Dunsmuir and Seymour alone has cost me close to 20$, and not once did I do this random act of kindness to get something in return. I never do. A lot of my friends are cheap disloyal fucks who don't deserve to be helped out but I do my best to help them out anyways even though I know if I was in their shoes they'd turn their backs so fast it would make their heads spin. I've poured my heart and soul into some friends, and all I ever wanted to see was them happy, show them the good side of life, show them what it feels like to live a little and take them on experiences they would never have anybody else do for them.. and I did this for them because it was a fucking wednesday. All just to see them happy.. and the minute I need a little bit of time to myself all I would get is a big fuck you. This girl I like and trust most thinks I'm a liar, and that I'm into illegal work. I got the coldest stare from a friend last time we had dinner at a korean restaurant because I ate the last piece of kal bi when this person had the 3rd and 2nd last piece seconds before I did what I did. I'm sorry I'm such a selfish person but you must have forgotten that more than 9 out of 10 times we hang out and go out, dinner and drinks are usually on me.. even when we were in highschool and I was a broke joke. No you don't know how to drive standard. I'd like to apologize for my selfish acts and I promise to never eat the last piece of kal bi again.. or the last piece of gyoza. Apparently I'm an awkward person. Lol, am I really that awkward to chill with? You stupid fuck. Fuck you your nothing. Pachos are good. Cards are finally getting better. Work has never been so great.. What a beautiful world we live in.